I'M 30!!!!



my big day was supposed to start off with a trip to knott's berry farm...

but the penny-pinching mo-fo's closed the park due to "inclimate weather" - i guess blue skies, sunshine and white puffy clouds are dangerous for roller coaster riders....

so we broke in and TRASHED the place!!

"once... twice... three times a lady..."

sons of bitches... muther f*cking sons of bitches..

snoopy looks on in horror as i brutally beat and sodomize one of his employees

so off we went to the racetrack... i should have brought my motion-sickness pills

speedy Cheryl takes the lead ...

my driving skills reigned supreme on the slick track as i bumped all competition out of the way!

i rammed dale's back end and put him out of commision for a while...

was this the first, second or third time cheryl BEAT DALE'S ASS in the drag race?

aaawwww yeeaahh... we hit the dance machine for some foot stompin' beats!

K-dunk-a-dunk and C-master Hey-Hey be flashin they signs...

with my whitey-inspired rhythm and dale's white man's overbite, we were an unstoppable pair...

(...ok i'm sorry... how friggin cute do i look in this picture?..)

kendra shows off her finest JT move (that's "Justin Timberlake" for those of you who don't have your fingers on the pulse of what rocks America)

oh we were dope dancin' solo...

but all heads turned when we teamed up to bring the hiz-ouse down with our funky-fly-fresh moves

...someone's gotta show 'em how it's done...

here's where things started to get ugly...

oh yeah. it was a danceoff, ladies and gentlemen..

we stretch to get ready for our pumpin moves...

"WHUU..?

"Bitch, pleeeze"... "WHA-EVA"

what's a birthday without a bloody fight over a BJ's pizzookie?

cameltoe, anyone?