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08/11/08, 7:35pm Welcome to the world, Nigel Lang Worthington! |
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| Week 0: the king is born... | ||
 August 11, 6am - after wiping amniotic fluid off the new bamboo floors all night, i still had no contractions so we headed into the hospital |
 dr. dale jumped into goo-cleaning action as soon as the nurse left the room |
15 hours in and no contractions so they eventually convinced us that pitocin was necessary to get the party started... |
 it was all fun and games for the first couple hours... and then the nurse turned the pitocin drip to 7 and my cervix opened up past 7cm... HOLY MOTHER F*CKING SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
 the tennis balls dale used to rub my lower back... even in the middle of the worst pain in my life, the humor and perfection of the balls' name did not go unnoticed... |
i made it through without an epidural but dale needed some rabies shots after i was done with him... |
 after experiencing a few broken blood vessels on my face, splattering bloody goop and a placenta bigger than dale's head, we both cried like babies when we saw our precious little nigel for the first time! |
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 with no time to spare, dale quenched my 9 month thirst for alchihol with a couple of the finest mini wine bottles the local jewel grocery store had to offer |
 do i even need to comment on this one? holy crap i'm going to take a bite out of that kid's cheek one of these days he's so goddam cute |
 they trapped me at the hospital for two days, but we were finally on our way home!! |
 aaaand i cried like a baby again as we rode home... can you believe this little f*cker is mine?! |
| Week 1: isn't he f*cking awesome?! | ||
 didn't take him long to find the best napping spot in all the land... |
 didn't take him long to figure out who serves the best meal in town... |
 aaand it didn't take him long to produce the best poop this side of the mississippi |
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 the bump on the back of his head came from flying through the air and slamming against the wall on the other side of the delivery room as i shot his ass out of my tight, muscular vag |
 goddam it! i looked away for a second and he pissed on my face! |
 "aaa hhhhaaa hhaaa remember when i pissed on mommy's face?! aaahh hhahaha" |
 he was beaming with pride when he squeezed off the rest of his cord after just one week! (after i changed him i noticed it was gone! i found it a couple minutes later resting on my ginormous hooters) |
Weeks 2-4: kicking ass and taking names... |
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 the next couple weeks brought more sleeping... |
 and his little dark blue eyes opened up more and more |
 you'd be napping too if you had these soft pillows in your face all day long |
 he started smiling more and enjoying bath time by his third week on earth... |
 and he lifted his head with the strength of 10 men! |
 as strong as he is, miniature flying white hippos still scare the sh*t out of him! |
 he also grew out of his little swaddle thing pretty quickly - at week 4 he was in the 95th percentile for height and weight |
 but he's not yet smart enough to figure out how to not piss in his own face! |
 "remember when he pissed in his own face?! aaahhh hhaahhaah!!" |
 we sat him down for a little in-home photo session before he got too big! |
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 the little turd already has an attitude problem |
Weeks 5-7: who's my little man?! WHO'S MY LITTLE MAN?!!! |
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 nigel has been a huge help with the renovation projects around the house |
 i taught him the basics of painting so he can finish up the downstairs bathroom walls when i go back to work |
 check out his little forked tongue! we're pretty sure he's the devil... |
 so be careful of his charming devilish grin |
 one of his favorite spots is perched up on our shoulders like a little monkey |
 his blue eyes get ligher and lighter with each passing week |
 i never thought i'd say it, but when he looks at me like this, i really don't mind only getting 6 hours of sleep! |
 he's lookin adorable in his foxy little winter hat and gloves! |
 but eventually i leave him alone so we can get some rest for his next exciting day on earth! |
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daddy's doing a great job making the little guy laugh and keeping him entertained. he takes over as primary caregiver in october!